I Mean More Than Marriage.
“Okay, but make sure you don’t bring back a Korean man.”
That’s what I was told, jokingly, by my uncle and father when I told them I wanted to go to Korea for a few years after university. And I don’t blame them.
Let’s backtrack.
My dad has always been in support of my ambitions. He’s the one I talk to when I find interesting new things about the languages that I’m learning. He’s the one I talk to about all of the new things I want to see, places I want to live, people I want to meet. He’s always been there for me.
Adding on to that, this uncle has been a part of my life since pretty much the beginning of time (at least, the 14 years of time I’ve been alive for). I’ve stayed at their house for weeks on end when my parents weren’t able to take care of me, and they’ve shown me so much love and care. I really couldn’t be more grateful.
But it makes me question myself, my worth, and their perspective of my worth when they tell me things like this.
I can speak the language, help people in the country, yet the most important thing is to make sure I don’t bring (aka marry) a Korean man? One, that’s racist. Two, it degrades my value into just the fact that nothing I do is going to matter, because I’m going to marry someone anyway.
My mom always told me to do whatever I want, learn whatever I want, go wherever I want, before I get married.
But the question I ask is:
Why?
Why do I have to have all my fun, all of my life’s experiences, before I get married? Marriage, by definition, is “the state of being united as spouses in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law”.
United. One.
So why do I lose all my power if I get married?
Now, I said in the beginning that I don’t blame those who have told me this. I know that they’ve grown up in an environment where no one calls them out for this. I recognize that these people have been conditioned with this mindset. To them, it makes sense. It’s normal.
But no one tells them it hurts. Hell, I didn’t have the guts to do it to their faces. I would be called an emotional teenager, and told that it was “just a joke”.
And that’s why I’m writing this article. So that all the girls who are reading this, who have heard the same or varied version of these words, can stand tall to those who say them. To have the courage.
And I’m right behind you.
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